Dealing With Comparison As A Woman
Do you struggle with comparison as a woman? No matter where you are at in life as a woman, there will always be ways for you to compare yourself to someone else. Being single, or dating, or being engaged, or getting married, or being married, or getting pregnant or not getting pregnant, or becoming a mom, or becoming a grandmother. The seasons we go through as women can quickly change in a moment. In the world of social media, comparison can go very deep to the point of competition in the mind. Because of the big topic, social media is a whole ‘nother topic that will be talked about in another blog post.
Examples of Comparison As A Woman
Like for example, I was single for about three years before I met my now-husband. Strange? I know. When I was single, I would compare myself with the other ladies that had their boyfriends or husbands already. They always seemed so happy, confident, content, and have their lives figured out. I had such high standards a man had to meet for me in order for me to agree on a date. I wouldn’t say “yes” to just any man that asked me out. And I said no many, many, MANY times. I wondered if I was ever going to meet the right person that God had for me.
Then, I met my now-husband, David, and we quickly started dating. And, looking back now, I realized that I was also comparing our relationship with other couples dating or engaged, especially on social media. To explain a bit further, while dating and engaged, most of our most special moments together were hardly ever posted on our social media. We hardly ever took selfies together because we had rather spend as much time together face-to-face than on our phones. But, when I scrolled through my Instagram or Facebook, there were cute, happy couples posing together for their pumpkin carving, making gingerbread houses, and taking a ton of selfies. I wondered if I was failing to meet the standards of what a girlfriend or an engaged girl was supposed to do.
Now being married, I do not compare myself to other married couples as much as I thought I would. Here’s why: our marriage cannot be compared to other marriages. Each married relationship is unique in its own way and abide by its own standards different from others. Now, making this point, I will say I often compare myself as a wife with other wives. I compare whether if my cooking is good because many people stated to me I needed to learn how to cook for my husband before we got married. I understand most of those people saying this phrase were coming from a good, lighthearted place, but it put insecurity in my heart that I wouldn’t measure up like the other wives. It was almost like I had an invisible scoreboard and I was losing every time in comparison. And this is just one little example of comparison as a wife. I didn’t even mention cleaning, decorating the house, entertaining guests, running errands, or the big one, social media.
Why Do We Keep Comparing?
It is crazy what we women can do to ourselves if left alone with our overthinking mind and thoughts. No, it is actually mind-blowing that we compare ourselves to the point that we feel small, inferior, and without any value or worth. Why do we women feel like if someone else is already doing the thing we always dreamed of doing, we can’t do it because they already started. Because comparison as a woman leads to competition which leads to clawing the way to the top, tearing down any woman who gets in the way, rather than helping each other go to the top together. If you want to start a blog, write a book, start a small group, start a fitness journey, start a business, grow your Instagram, become a mom, begin a podcast, don’t allow comparison hold you back. You never know who you can impact through your actions and words if you do not try.
But, what we do, what we say to ourselves, or how we react reflects how we truly are. What I mean by this is if we are focused on what we do not have, this reflects that we are not grateful for what we DO have. If we are focused on this girl being more beautiful, more successful, having a boyfriend/husband, has a baby, or has the perfect Instagram feed, this reflects we are not satisfied with what God has already gifted us with.
“Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God assigned to us, to reach even to you.”
2 Corinthians 10:12-13 ESV
Sure, there may be someone more beautiful, but there will never be another me, or another you. We need a YOU in this world because God has gifted us with different skills, talents, passions, and ideas which leads us into our mission in life. If you spend your life stuck in comparison as a woman, you will never be able to see God working through you to reach out to others. Even if you are single, dating, engaged, married, a mama, a grandmother, divorced, or widowed, God wants you to live out your season in the best way. Don’t look to other women in comparison; look to other women through love and encouragement. Don’t say, “I don’t have….” Instead, say, “I have…”
God places us in particular seasons in life at different timing.
I don’t know why some people are in seasons of singleness in short and long periods of time. I don’t know why people get married for a long time and some people divorce after not so long. Or why some women can easily get pregnant and some struggle.
The important thing here is run to Jesus Christ, who is the only One that can walk alongside you as you are striving to embrace the season you are in and what you do have, releasing the chains of comparison and the focus of what you do not have, reaching out to other women along the way.
Thank you for reading,
Co-founder of The Simple Mission
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Thank you so much for this. It is so true, I know from being a single mom in my late 30’s. When I start to compare myself I have to stop and remember God has me right where He wants me. Keep up the great work. God bless.
Thank you, Shawnna! Women can compare no matter where they are at in life. But, Jesus can meet us right where we are!